Content Warning: A Knight’s TAle of Standards and Practices

It was an unseasonably warm day and I just received my zombie insurance policy in the mail: a Windlass Steelcrafts Fiore warhammer, so it was time to put both to good use!

The sacred regulations tell of the time of obscenity. When profligates brought forth black blood from the depths of hell! And with it set fire to the heavens so that the globe would grow warm such that their nakedness could be uncovered and their disgrace could be seen!

And Gaia looked upon the earth and beheld that indecent flesh had corrupted her climate. And She brought a flood of waters upon the earth, to destroy all indecent flesh!

The Mother chose us Feudal Climate Censors, the FCC to judge the indecent and smite them with the three-pronged gavel of censoring! You have donned the Garb of Warning and with this hammer I Knight thee Sir Cumcision!

Now take thine hammer and arise Sir Knight of Standards and Practices! The profligates who do not heed The Warning shall bleed under thine hammer!

Ah, what a nice warm day in January! Feels great to commune with nature in a natural state!

Heed my Warning, profligate or die in your disrobed disgrace!

Holy crap, what the actual?!!!

You can’t block with your cock! I’m gonna get medieval on your buttocks!

AAAAAH!

Wicked Wednesday

9 Comments

    1. nopantsendurance

      I’ve always been interested in swords and melee weapons, but there are no HEMA groups very close, but there is one around Lovely’s area I may have to look into this summer. I pretty much blew my Christmas bonus, have a Ronin Katana euro #7 longsword on order as well as a bull whip. Just trying out my childhood dreams, see if something sticks! That being said, I’ll have to invest most of my free time training for the Moab 240 this year.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. nopantsendurance

      That would be cool to have access to a group! My father is a retired history teacher, though I personally have a different approach, more of a survivalist practicality over historical accuracy which I don’t care much about in terms of having weapons in present day.

      It’s more for the physical training and mental focus, plus the photography element of course! The local YMCA offers fencing, though that is pretty far from sword fighting. I’m also interesting in a crossbow (modern). I live in a rural pretty much no crime area, but some weapon on hand is a good idea. I just don’t personally like guns.

      That and I can cross state lines and into national parks, etc and not worry about firearms laws. Also in any SHTF scenario, the ammo you have is all the ammo you have realistically. Can’t re-fire a bullet, can re-fire a bolt and swords and hammers never run out of ammo!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. David Mei

        I started fencing with an instructor I met in an American Revolutionary War reenactment group. I ended up being his Sabre student for 3 years. Then he introduced me to the Society For Creative Anachronism (SCA). I fought sword and shield, sword and buckler, great sword, and melee combat for about 30 years. I have several friends who were instrumental in researching much of the fighting manuals that became the basis for HEMA/WMA. I have been lucky.
        Check out https://strugglingpeterpan.wordpress.com/2020/08/15/solstice-knight-%ef%b8%8f2020-david-mei/

        Like

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