TMI From the TSA

I had a short film idea a couple years ago for the prompt from Hump! Film Festival that had TSA as a bonus, but I have no way of actually filming this idea.

“First we have to take off our shoes and belts and get wanded, pretty soon there’ll be strip searches in the terminal for Big Brother!”

Jenny let out an exasperated breath, “It’s not a big deal, Jerry.”

“Yes it is! It’s a slippery slope! You keep giving up your rights inch by inch until the government starts implanting tracking chips in you!”

Jenny sighed internally and didn’t press the issue. She liked Jerry well enough and he was a good guy (not to mention easy on the eyes) but prone to spouting the latest internet conspiracy theory at the water cooler. This was her first business trip with him and she hoped he didn’t keep this up all flight.

She liked a quiet and relaxing flight. She brought the latest Jack Reacher novel with her, if he wouldn’t let up maybe she’d take it out and he’d get the hint.

“Oh! Oh great now they have one of those full body scanners! You know they use those to take naked pictures of people and blackmail them if the deep state doesn’t like how you vote!”

“You’re being paranoid, Jerry. I’ve seen the pictures on the news, they aren’t even as good as X-rays!”

“The news?” Jerry gave Jenny a pitying look. “The news is deep state controlled propaganda!”

“Look, we’re next, don’t worry about it Jerry, you probably won’t even be picked.” Jenny said while putting her shoes in the plastic tub.

“Sir, please step through the scanner,” said a said a greying man in a TSA uniform.

“Oh great, can’t wait to see who I’m voting for next election!” grumbled Jerry, but he stepped on the footprint mat in the scanner with a huff. Jenny was thankful he didn’t make a scene. Maybe he didn’t want to embarrass her, that was kind of sweet.

“Okay now you select scanner. Then body…” the greying man appeared to be training a young lady who looked to be in her early 20s.

*muffled radio chatter*

“Ugh, okay I’m on my way,” said the TSA man. “Wanda I have to take this, just follow the body scan preset like in the manual.”

“But I…” stammered Wanda.

“I’ll be back in ten.” he said and hurried off.

Jenny called out, “I’ve got to visit the ladies’ room, be right back Jerry!”

Jerry waved his hand.

“Um. Okay sir, just stand still a second.”

Wanda looked at her control screen. Scanner, body, okay. Now how did you see the scan? Screen select? Main? That seemed right. Layer penetration, 1: top or 2: maximum? Uh, one?

Wanda hit scan. The machine whirred as the scanner panels moved into place. Good! This is easy!

But still no scan on her screen. Huh. How did she activate the screen? Oh here:

active menu -> display

A real time image popped up on Wanda’s screen and she gasped with shock!

She was looking at a display of the man in the full body scanner which was showing the man’s full body. Minus his top layer, aka clothing! This was no diffuse X-ray image either, it was as if he’d just stripped naked in front of her!

Then the machine helpfully followed it’s preset, cycling through zoomed-in sectors, first with “contraband concealment sector,” that being the waist, or in this case, a close-up view of the man’s fairly impressive manhood!

Panicked, Wanda looked over her shoulder but nobody seemed to have noticed the close-up penis on her screen!

“Oh crap, oh crap!”

Something in Wanda’s brain still managed to snicker, “The machine’s right, he is packing heat!”

She had to figure out how to switch this off her screen!

screen select -> scanner

The penis removed itself from her screen. Wanda slumped back in relief. Until she heard shocked gasps followed by laughter and even some cheering from the TSA line!

She looked around to see what was going on now and saw the body scanner’s full body panel displays active, and helpfully displaying their scans, those of course being of the fully naked man therein!


Wanda desperately hunted through menus. How many screens did this blasted thing have?! She had to shut them all down!

Then she remembered the panic button. That would bring her supervisor running but she was so fired anyway.

She clicked the red “EMERGENCY” button.

Jenny walked out of the ladies room just in time to see all the flight departure/arrival displays in the terminal blink red then pop up a close-up image of a man’s penis! Her first thought was Wow!

Her second was “Not bad, actually!” Hey, Jenny knew what she liked. She was a liberated red-blooded company executive after all.

Her third thought was “OMG, JERRY?!!!” as the screen cycled from impressive penis to a full body view of a very impatient looking and very naked Jerry!

Her fourth thought was, “I’ll be damned. Jerry was right after all!”

Jenny took out her phone and started snapping pics. When they got back, gossip at the water cooler was going to be very interesting!

Wicked Wednesday


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