Cum: Sexual Bacon!

Bits of bacon are like the fairy dust of the food community. “you don’t want this baked potato,” bbbrrriinnnggg! it’s now your favorite part of the meal. “not interested in a salad?” bippady boppidy bacon! Just turned it into an entre! You know the only bad part about bacon is it makes you thirsty… for more bacon! I never feel like I get enough bacon. At breakfast it’s like they’re rationalizing it, “Here’s your two strips of bacon.” “But I want more! More bacon!”

Jim Gaffigan – King Baby

So it’s May aka Masturbation Month so I’m writing a rambling post about it. I actually don’t masturbate often. Maybe once a week. At least to completion. I do get aroused pretty much daily, thanks to this blogging community! However, I just don’t cum often.

Which I suppose must be odd as I (like I suspect most guys) am heavily turned on by cum in the breeding fantasy sense. I was just reading a blog by K Bevis (author of “Waste” which I reviewed) about the breeding genre which is heavily used in “Waste.”

I’m also reminded of a comedy bit by Jim Jefferies about facials being the hottest sex act for a guy, but he’s bothered by it because he doesn’t understand why. Certainly the “money shot” as it’s called in porn is called that for a reason: it’s often the make or break climax (hehe) of the scene. I’ve watched very good scenes that end with the guy managing only a dribble and felt let down, thinking, “Man if I were that lucky dude she’d look like a glazed donut from Krispy Kreme!”

I think the reason, well that’s a bad word as reason and logic don’t much play into primitive hard-wiring, but I think it is simple: You like your partner and their face is de facto primitive identity, so you like their face. You are also genetically programmed to breed and the breeding mechanism for a guy is cum. Therefore combining the two is cock catnip!

face (good) + cum (good) = facial (GREAT!)

But it’s not just the facial, like Jim Gaffigan’s bacon, cum just makes everything better! Boobs? Great. Cum on boobs? Even better! Butt? Great. Cum on butt? Awesome! Cum on belly, cum on legs, hell even cum on clothes!

Also like bacon, there just is no such thing as too much cum! I would guess this has to do with breeding again as more cum roughly equates to better chance as breeding. I even find scenes with multiple money shots even more of a turn-on.

So given all this, why don’t I masturbate and cum often? I think a couple reasons. I’ve mentioned before on this blog that I’m a virgin. I think I’m attractive physically and mentally to have lost my virginity If I actively pursued it, but I simply haven’t done so. I’m just not much of a pleasure seeker, being more fulfillment or goal oriented.

But the other reason is that while in breeding fantasy I find cum a huge turn-on, reality is quite another matter. I am truthfully horrified by the thought of real procreation. I would be a gross understatement to say I’m not a fan of children or having children. I’d be paranoid of getting my sexual partner pregnant even if just cumming on skin, fearing one of those little swimmer bastards out of the millions in a proper-sized load of cum my partner deserves would somehow find it’s way in from a careless finger or a drip or even the urban legend toilet seat pregnancy!

In other words, it’s so hot up to the point of cumming then I find myself on a roller coaster ride down, apprehensive of the toxic splooge I just released that could get who knows where. Best to just keep that dangerous stuff stored safely inside.

Yeah it’s not terribly rational, but it’s sexual rationality tends to get smothered in the lust of the moment. I’d have to be doubly reassured of some kind of stringent birth control measures before I could let go and fully enjoy the fulfillment of glazing my partner with my thick ropy strands of hot baby batter!

Which leads to another downer I have, that the onus of birth control gets placed on the woman probably both financially as well as physically. Which would mean I’d feel obligated for a vasectomy. Which would be fine by me in the procreation sense in that I have no intention of every doing so! But that is still a surgery and probably a sizable expense. Is it covered by insurance? I don’t know. Freaking USA health care.

So yeah I’m a weird guy. Cumming is icy/hot for my libido.

13 Comments

  1. TJ

    I also enjoy cum on things. Glasses? Good. Glasses with cum on them? Great! But just long enough to enjoy a giggle cuz then I need my dang glasses back! Can’t see shit now…. 🤣

    Breeding fantasy. I get it. This is a genre that I believe merits some exploration on my part most definitely. I think aliens and monsters intrigue me…? 👽🖖

    Liked by 1 person

      1. TJ

        Hahaha! I see what ya did there… very clever, Mr. Sin Pants, very clever indeed. But of course I simply CANNOT STAND any sticky substance dripping and drooling down my body. The thought is… torturous…. 🤣🤣🤣 (*knee slap)

        Liked by 1 person

  2. LovelyBraindrops

    For someone who really (REALLY!) enjoys sex, I’m not exactly a fan of cum. Granted, most males want to drown you with it … they may not realize per say that that’s what they’re asking for, but if you’ve ever had more hot thick slime gushed into your mouth than you can swallow without choking or gagging, well … maybe I just like breathing too much, but between the drowning, the general texture, and the same pregnancy paranoia you described (though to a more rational degree), I find it hard to be a fan of the substance for its own sake.
    Abstinence however is a horrific form of torture for which life is far too short to endure … though that could be a situational perspective; gifted my virginity at 17, never went more than a year without a partner, but now 18mo. worth of abstinence is driving me crazy and I’m pretty sure it will kill me. In short, the surgery is highly worth it, and is actually quite inexpensive as surgeries go, and am pretty sure insurance covers a great deal of it (mine was nearly fully covered). The pain and hassle were minimal, and I feel significantly more healthy without the chemical birth control. Ideally I’d much prefer my partner to have also had their surgery, but that seems to be a rare luxury and partially responsible for the current sexual hiatus. I’m not so much a risk-taker, and really have reached a point sexually where i just want one fantastic partner to lose myself in and grow and explore and experience sexuality with long-term. At this point my ‘sexual bacon’ would be finding that deeper level of sexual connectivity … that, and a partner with some endurance, in more ways than one!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. LovelyBraindrops

        This person with pretty good endurance, doesn’t happen to come (and/or cum) with no pants do they?! 😉

        Cum tends to be a higher trust level thing; if you’re trustworthily mindful of my aversion you’re actually more likely to be at liberty with me sexually in general. You can tell a lot about a partner by how they react to aversions and apprehensions. As I’ve gotten older and more experienced I find my tolerance for ‘begging’ and ‘demanding’ has disappeared. Plenty of fish, etc., and no one (male) has anything I haven’t already had, not physically anyways.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. nopantsendurance

        Well I certainly wouldn’t intend to beg or demand anything of a lady. I can’t say I have anything any other male would have, given my lack of experience. I can only say that ever since I drop-kicked my way out of the womb with a full beard, bit off the umbilical chord, head-butted Chuck Norris, shotgunned a Budweiser and rode off on a grizzly bear, I’ve been in search of a female woman enough to handle this much machismo 😉

        Liked by 1 person

      3. LovelyBraindrops

        -dying laughing- trust me, you have many things no other man has got, generally speaking, as well as situationally specific … the comment above alone proves wit-supported humor, this whole blog proves openness and (what i personally consider) correct thought proceeses on the world at large, what i know of you personally has always set you apart … and even down to basic physical attributes you belong to a small percentage; fit, handsome, and very nicely hu… proportioned. 😉 To each their own, but you are still the fascinating Adonis to me! (Yes, ‘fascinating’ is still my new favorite old word! lol)

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Kayla Lords

    This is a fascinating peek into your thoughts and experiences. Thank you for sharing!

    My understanding is that vasectomies are easy(ish) and affordable to get, but of course, that likely depends on your insurance coverage and all that.

    Liked by 1 person

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